The One Where Lady Loki Causes Trouble
by Clerds
Summary: Loki shape shifts into a woman in order to befriend Jane and Darcy. He is hoping to get information (and cause some mischief along the way), but he never expects to enjoy their company. Kind of crack-y. Rated T for language and some innuendo. (Thanks, Darcy.)
1. Chapter 1

This whole story is sort of set in an alternate timeline, where the events of the Avengers happened but Loki was never captured. That is all.

Chapter One: The Exposition

Loki chuckles slightly as he peeks at his brother through a miniscule crack in the wall. Often, when Thor thinks he is alone, he breaks out into a song and dance number he wrote himself when he was but a hundred years old. As he flops around the room, completely unaware, Loki waltzes in and places a sound recorder in his closet. He's going to listen in on Thor and, hopefully, uncover the Avenger's latest plans on tracking him down. As if they could capture the invisible.

He struts happily out of Tony Stark's elevator, whistling to himself and smirking at the man, who actually passes him right by. Loki loves sneaking through this place. There's something so amusing about fooling the earth's "mightiest heroes" with only a bit of low-level illusion. Tony Stark, so smug about his tower's security. If only he knew that Loki was the one eating all of his secret chocolate stash. (Tony was beginning to suspect that it was Barton.)

Now, all he had to do was go home to his apartment, get on his laptop, and wait for Thor to say something useful. He hailed a taxi in the form of an attractive human female, quickly getting a ride. "Just down the corner here." He said with a smile to the driver, who was ogling him through the rear view mirror. He shifted into drive and pulled out into the awful New York traffic.

Loki smiled smugly, leaning back into the filthy cab seat. It smelled like nachos, sweat, and mountain dew, but he didn't care. Right now, all he could think of was how smart he was, to be hiding in plain sight. His apartment was literally around the corner from the Avengers headquarters, and none of them had the slightest idea.

The cab eventually pulls into the apartment complex parking lot and Loki sends the driver off with no money, instead choosing to brainwash him into thinking that he paid. He has to walk up three flights of stairs to get to his apartment, but it's worth it, because the view from his kitchen window is the big A on the Avengers Tower, and he has what some may call an 'obsession' with the crime-fighting team. He walks into the apartment and locks the door, then flops down on the couch. His laptop is already open on his coffee table, broadcasting the noise coming from Thor's room.

"Hey, brother. Do you still believe in one another? Hey, brother. Do you still believe in love, I wonder?" Thor wails, messing up the lyrics and singing horribly off-key. Loki snickers and actually snorts as he begins to laugh at his oafish sibling, imagining the blonde giant fumbling around his tiny room.

Loki gets up to make himself a glass of red wine. (Yes, it's in the morning, but he's a grown ass God and he does what he wants.) He sits back down as Thor sings the opening line of some saccharine Katy Perry song. Loki closes his eyes and listens to his brother's awful singing, and is nearly asleep when he hears a different noise. It's that mewling quim, come to ask Thor to quiet down.

"Thor, I'm glad that you like to sing," she says, "but no one else wants to hear it."

"I apologize most adamantly, friend Widow! I was merely entertaining myself, as it is a boring day."

"Yeah, well, don't get too comfortable. Tony says he thinks your brother's up to something. Who knows what it could be?"

"I'm sure whatever it is, it is of no harm. Loki may be a bit, how do you say, crazy, but he would never hurt me or my friends."

"He stabbed you in the stomach."

Loki laughs again. Thor doesn't think he'd hurt him? Well, he's sort of right. Not that Loki's gonna admit that. He stands up and puts the empty wine glass in the sink.

"Yes, he stabbed me in the stomach, but I'm an Asgardian. We are tough. You saw the way my brother deflected bullets."

Loki smirks as he remembers that day. _I really am such a badass. _He thinks before picking the laptop up and carrying it to his bedroom. He briefly considers sneaking into his brother's room and causing some sort of mischief, but it's too risky. Perhaps in a few days.

In the meantime, Thor continues to sing to himself quietly. Oh, the temptation is nearly overwhelming to sneak in and just color his hair pink. Loki bites his bottom lip before giving in and teleporting to his brother's room. Thor is actually in the middle of changing shirts, pulling his old, black one above his head. Loki leans back in the corner and watches his brother's rippling muscles appreciatively. As soon as the Thunder God has a new, red one on, Loki snaps his fingers and his fluffy hair is a bright shade of pink. Thor turns around at the sound, but Loki's invisible. He turns back around and heads to the living room to talk to Tony, and Loki follows him.

"Hey, Thor – wait, what the hell happened to your hair?" Tony asks loudly, nearly dropping the grilled cheese he was holding. Thor holds out a strand of his magenta locks.

"I do not know!"

Tony's laughing. "Clint! Did you do the old 'put hair dye in Thor's volumizing shampoo' prank again?"

Clint looks up from the couch, mouth full of grilled cheese. "Nh-uh." He mumbles.

Natasha stands up. "It was obviously Loki. He targeted Thor, and it's something stupid, like always."

Loki scoffed. He was much smarter than that mewling quim, that's for sure. He sneered at her as he walked over to the television and started changing channels. Steve jumped off the couch. "It's a ghost!"

"A ghost?" Tony asks, looking at the TV. He smirks as it passes the porn channels.

"No, I'm pretty sure Oprah is watching the Ellen show." Steve says sarcastically. Poor, poor humorless Steve.

Loki leaves it there, because Ellen is one of the few mortals that he actually enjoys watching. Suddenly, he makes himself visible.

"There he is!" Natasha screams, pulling out her gun, but then he's gone. He teleports back to his apartment, laughing like a hyena.

"So now what?" Steve asks, jumping up and ready for action.

"I suppose we should find him?" Clint asks, finally finished with his sandwich. Bruce raises his hand on the other end of the couch, because he hasn't had any lines yet.

"I don't think it's that easy, Clint. No offense, but Loki's invisible, and a God. We're gonna need more than a game of hide and seek to find him."

Tony scoffs at Bruce's sound logic, as always. "I say we go out onto the street and kick the crap out of everybody with green eyes."

"Hold up there, Hitler." Steve interjects. "We just need to do a thingy on the tower. You know, on crime shows when they can't see the criminal so they make everything blue and warm stuff turns red? Maybe he's still here."

"It's called a thermal camera, Steve. And, surprisingly, it's not a bad idea." Tony replies, going up to a computer-like box on the wall. He presses some buttons, and voila! The tower appears on the screen, one level at a time, in thermal imagery. Unfortunately, Loki's not there.

"Oh well." Thor says, pink hair slowly fading back to gold.

Now it's night, and Loki's lounging in his apartment and eating almond Hershey's Kisses. He's at war with himself over whether or not eating five bags a day is going to ruin his figure, but if Thor can eat six boxes of poptarts for breakfast and still look like… a God, then dammit, he's eating some chocolate.

Thor's not yet in his room, so Loki just sits and blogs on Tumblr. He actually has a few requests, so he fills them and sends them back. After his third Thorki smutfic, he hears noise coming from Thor's room.

"So, you're going to be away for a few days?" Bruce asks shyly, as he does everything.

"Yes, friend Banner. I'm going to be visiting Jane Foster and her colleagues in, what is it called? Newer Mexico. Just until Odin's day." Loki hates that woman.

"Alright. I sure hope your brother doesn't try anything with you gone."

"He won't. Loki doesn't mean any harm, really. He just wants attention. You see, he thinks his father never loved him because he's adopted." Thor explains nonchalantly. Loki wishes he could choke him.

"That's… actually kind of sad." Bruce replies before leaving the room. Thor whistles to himself and Loki imagines that he's packing his bags. New Mexico, eh? Sounds kind of fun.

And, that's the inevitable end of the first chapter! Feel free to review and tell me all the terrible, terrible mistakes I made! And, yes, it's one of my headcanons that Loki runs a Tumblr blog where he just writes and draws Thorki smut. Don't judge me.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: The New Mexico Introductions

The next day, Loki watches in frustration as Thor flies from the Avengers tower, swinging Mjölnir in the general direction of the Pacific Ocean and hoping for the best. Loki himself has chosen to drive a car, because it seems the least conspicuous and because there's not a flight to San Jose for at least two days.

Oh, well. More time to reflect and decide his action plan. So far, it's just to follow Thor like some sort of stalker, watching him in the shadows and feeling jealous of his friends. Then it hits him. He can become a friend. How hard can it be? He's fit well in Midgardian society thus far.

So he smiles smugly as he steps into his rental car, turning the keys in the ignition and setting off on a long journey. He passes the time by trying on different looks, deciding which is best to try to befriend the idiotic scientists. He settles for a female form, all green eyes and flowing black hair.

When he finally reaches New Mexico, he realizes he has no idea where Thor would even be. He's slightly angry with himself for blindly following his brother and not thinking this out, but it does not matter for now. He gets a hotel room and decides to find his own way.

It's nightfall by the time he is settled in, and there's a bar across the street from the hotel. He heads over there in search of wine, and, if he's lucky, someone who knows where his brother is. He walks in with his female form, and is taken aback by the smell of beer and vomit. Mortals truly are disgusting creatures, he thinks. The bartender looks him over suspiciously as he sits down at the bar. "I need wine." He says wearily.

"We ain't got that here. You can have beer or water." The bartender replies hastily. Gods, this place is a dump.

"Well then, give me a beer." Loki says with a sigh. He glances down the bar at a surly biker who looks like he's downing his seventh drink. "Hey there, big boy. Want to give a lady some help?"

"What do ya mean?" The biker slurs.

"You know where Puente Antiguo is?" Loki asks, leaning over to show off his assets. The biker's eyes open wide and he thinks for a moment.

"Uh, yeah. It's uh; it's about twenty minutes down that road." He points out of the broken window. Loki smiles.

"Thank you dearly." He says as the bartender hands him his beer. He takes a sip and immediately regrets it. Tastes like piss.

"So, uh, what's a dainty lady like you doing in this neck of the woods?" The biker asks, resting a meaty arm on the sticky countertop. Loki scoffs. The guy practically reeks with cliché.

"I guess you could say I'm searching."

"For what?" The guy's breath smells horrible and his teeth look like they are close to falling from his head.

"I don't know." Loki replies, honest for once.

He sleeps well that night, mind hazy from four beers. He promises himself that in the morning, he'll go down to Puente and find his brother. Ideas, lies and excuses form in his head as he drifts into unconsciousness. This should be good.

He thanks the hotel owner in the morning, turning in his room key and driving off towards the city. There's still a week before Thor heads back to New York, plenty of time, but Loki is anxious to find him and infiltrate the group, because the more time spent getting information the better. Yes, information. That was the excuse he was giving himself for following his brother around like a lost puppy.

He misses breakfast, because as soon as he pulls into the city limits he sees Jane and Darcy walking down the sidewalk. _Play it cool. _He tells himself as he turns down the next road.

He parks down the street and heads up the sidewalk, feigning an interest in whatever adorns the windows of the boring stores. The girls are steadily approaching, shopping bags in hand. _Play it cool. _He repeats.

As soon as they pass by, he turns around, 'accidentally' bumping into them and knocking their bags to the ground. "Oh my God!" He exclaims, putting his hands up to his face. "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you!"

"It's fine, really." Jane says, picking up a few of the bags. Darcy sighs and leans over to pick up the rest.

"I'm so clumsy." Loki says, looking down at the ground. _Keep the conversation going, _he thinks.

"No, I should've swerved." Jane says, brushing a strand of brown hair from her face. Loki smiles amiably, reaching out to shake her hand. Darcy eyes him suspiciously, but says nothing.

"I'm Alex. Alex Johnson." He says.

"Jane Foster." She replies. Darcy just stares at the both of them until Jane elbows her in the side.

"Darcy Lewis." She says, bored, looking into the shop window. Loki shakes her hand, too.

"I really am sorry for knocking your stuff over, really I am." Loki says.

"It's fine." Jane says. "Now, we're kind of busy, so sorry, but we have to get going."

"Alright." Loki says with a smile. The two girls walk away and Loki watches, applauding himself internally. He's managed to swipe Darcy's phone. Now he'll have a reason to contact the girls again.

First, he wants to snoop. Thankfully, Darcy doesn't have a password, so he turns invisible and sits in a nearby alley to read through her things. There's nothing really interesting, just some messages with Jane and one spicy picture sent to a number called 'Ian.' He's almost disappointed. Well, time to contact the girls again.

He steps into the street, pressing the contact named 'Jane.' The phone rings a few times before she answers. "Hello?" She asks.

"Hey! You left your phone on the sidewalk. Must have dropped it when I bumped into you."

"Oh, thank god it's you, Alex! We thought it got stolen." Jane says, relieved. Loki hears Darcy asking something in the background. "Yeah, it's Alex." Jane murmurs in reply. "She found your phone on the sidewalk." Darcy asks something else. "Darcy wants to know if it got scratched."

Loki pulls it away from his face, looking at the screen. "No, it's fine."

"She says it's fine."

"So, uh, do you want to come get it?" Loki asks.

"Yeah, definitely." Jane says. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Well, I was about to get a coffee at Starbucks, if you want to meet there." Loki did some research on human social media last night at discovered that Starbucks is a popular meeting spot for friendly mortal females.

"Alright. We can be there in half an hour. Is that good for you?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

And, I feel like that's a good stopping point. The next chapter will consist of caramel macchiato and more harebrained schemes. Until then, au revoir, and keep on being fabulous.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three: The New Intern

Starbucks smells so very good, Loki thinks as he sits down at the counter and opens up his laptop. He's going to start working on a thesis for a college that doesn't exist. If the girls walk in and see him doing advanced science, Loki thinks, they'll be impressed and start conversation. _I'm so smart. _He thinks as he hums a little tune and smirks to himself.

After around ten minutes, Loki's finished and in comes the Dynamic Duo. Jane goes up to the counter to get herself a drink and Darcy sits beside Loki at the long table. "What you doing there?" She asks, leaning over to look at the complicated science that Loki's working on. It's actually one of the first things that he learned in science classes in Asgard's Upper Schooling, but the humans don't need to know that. To them, it's like rocket science, and to him, it's like second nature.

"It's a physics project for my class." Loki says, looking over at the confused brunette.

"You a physicist, too?" Darcy asks, suddenly interested.

"Yeah, are you?"

"No, I'm more into political science. But Jane over there loves her some physics. You should show her the project." Darcy points at Jane, who's approaching them with two grande cups in her hands. She hands one to Darcy.

"What is it?" She asks.

"Ol' Alex here's a physicist." Darcy says, throwing her arm over Loki very suddenly.

"Yup." He says shyly as Jane leans over his shoulder to look at the laptop.

"Oh, so you're researching different dimensions." Jane says as she reaches out and scrolls down the page. "You're really smart."

Darcy gives Jane a mischievous look that makes Loki smile. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Come over here." Jane says, pulling Darcy across the restaurant. Loki glances over at them, and although they're whispering, he hears their conversation.

"You don't need _another _intern, Darcy. Besides, what makes you think she even likes us?"

"She totally does. And besides, if she knows a lot about physics, she could really be useful. And her hair is cute."

"Let's just get your phone and get out of here." Jane says before they walk back over to Loki.

"Here you go." He says disappointedly as he hands Darcy her iPhone. Darcy smiles.

"Hey, do you like us?" She asks. Jane glares at her.

"Yeah, I like you guys. Honestly, I don't have any friends, so you two are the first people I've talked to in like a week. It's been fun."

Darcy looks at Jane like 'see, told you, and come on, it's practically a sob story. We _have _to ask her to adventure with us'. Jane looks down at her shoes and Darcy gives a thumbs-up and an encouraging smile to Loki, who just shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Well, if you want, you can come and check out my lab. It's pretty interesting if you're into physics." Jane says, and then mutters as an aside, "it's not like I had anything going on anyway."

Loki mentally jumps into the air. _Yes! Oh, I'm a genius! _He thinks happily, and then he smiles. "That sounds awesome."

"Alright. It's right down the road." Jane says reluctantly, and Loki closes his paper, accidentally revealing his wallpaper, which is a detailed drawing of Thor. Thankfully, the other girls are already turned around and he shoves his laptop into his bag. Darcy and Jane start walking, and Loki calls out.

"Hey, you guys just want to take my car?" He asks. Darcy squeals.

"See, she even has a car! Perfect intern material!" She whispers loudly to an uncomfortable Jane.

"Alright." Jane says before taking a large swig of her vanilla latte. "Let's go."

They all climb into the spacious rental car, and Darcy smiles. "Still smells new in here."

"Yeah, it is new." Loki says, before driving down the road. Jane gives directions from the passenger's seat.

"So, Alex, tell us a little about yourself." Darcy says, leaning back comfortably into the cushion-y seats.

"Well, I'm currently just looking for my place in this world. You know, awkward scientist girl. I mainly hang out in my car and blog on Tumblr. What about you girls?"

"We're sort of doing research about wormholes." Darcy says nonchalantly. "Jane would be better at explaining."

"Wormholes, like she said. Bridges between worlds."

"Oh my God! That's what I've been focused on." Loki exclaims.

"You should stick with us!" Darcy says. "And you should let me braid your hair."

Loki blushes. Actually blushes. "Oh, I don't want to impose or anything."

"I insist!" Darcy squeals as they pull into the driveway.

"Who gave you the authority to _insist _things?" Jane says, turning around to a smirking Darcy.

"It's not every day you meet a cute, nice, physicist girl!" Darcy says. "You two are so much alike!"

"If you don't want me to stay, Jane, then I'll leave." Loki says. Jane sighs.

"No, you're really cool. I'm just really stressed because my boyfriend is here and I wasn't expecting visitors and I thought I was gonna have more time with him."

"She'll hang with me, then!" Darcy says.

They stop outside of a big building. "It's fine, really." Loki says as they get out of the car.

"No, come in." Jane says. "You can meet Erik and, uh, Donald."

Loki steps out of the car and they head into a big garage, where Erik is sitting at a table with _Thor. _Loki nearly passes out. "Is, is that who I think it is?" He asks.

"Yeah, yeah it is." Jane admits. "Thor is my boyfriend."

"You are officially the coolest person I've ever met." Loki says. Erik and Thor look up at the three women.

"Who is this?" Erik asks, pointing at a suddenly shy Loki.

"I'm Alex, hi." He says. Thor smiles, coming to shake her hand. Loki smiles.

"Well, greetings, Alex! That is Erik and I am Thor."

Jane coughs and Thor steps back. "We were just gonna check out the lab."

"Alex is a physicist." Darcy adds from behind her.

"Really?" Erik asks, standing up.

"Yeah." Loki says. Erik shakes his hand, too.

"Well, nice to meet you." Erik says. Darcy is glad that he's wearing pants.

"Nice to meet you, too." Loki says, and they all go into the lab. After a while, it starts to get dark outside and Loki turns to the door.

"Where are you going?" Darcy asks. "Don't you want to stay and eat dinner?"

"Well, I mean, I had a pack of beef jerky in the car." Loki says.

"Nonsense." Thor says. "I was just about to make the burgers of ham."

Loki internally scoffs. Thor, cooking something? The only thing he could cook is bread, although, admittedly, he could make damn fine bread. "I don't want to take your food."

"No, come on." Darcy says. "It's fine. Thor always makes too much anyways."

"Stay." Jane says. She's taken a liking to Alex since they discussed science in the lab.

"If you insist." Loki says, smiling and sitting at the table with Darcy and Erik. Thor's standing in front of the stove, flipping burgers, and Jane grabs her purse from the counter.

"I'm going to go get drinks. Anyone have a request?" She asks.

"Beer." Selvig says, leaning forward on the tabletop. Thor chuckles.

"I would appreciate some as well, Jane." He says. She smiles at the blonde buffoon and heads out the door.

"You guys are really nice." Loki says, still playing the part of timid scientist. In reality, he can't stand Jane. He actually has started to like Darcy, if only for her unknowing cooperation with his plan.

"Thanks." Darcy says. "You're really nice, too. You should stay with us. We kind of save the world as a profession now."

"That would be awesome." Loki says. Thor smiles as he puts the burgers onto a plate and puts the plate on the table.

"You remind me of someone." He says, blue eyes curious as he stares at 'Alex'. Loki nearly has a heart attack. But then Thor smiles and turns to grab the condiments. "Don't remember who, though."

'Alex' lets out an audible sigh of relief, but no one asks about it. Jane comes back with a case of beer and they eat, happy and discussing random things, such as what would happen to sound if they were falling in a bottomless pit.

"That was great." Loki says after dinner, woozy and buzzed after drinking half a dozen beers. He never could hold his alcohol. Thor, who seems to be unaffected by the thirteen that he drank, stands up to grab the plates and smiles again. _Damn him for being so attractive_, Loki thinks.

Erik goes off to bed and Thor's washing dishes, so the girls head into the living room to watch TV. Jane and Darcy both had way too much beer, and Loki convinces them to watch Magic Mike.

"Do they really think that they look good, shaking around like that?" Loki asks, voice slurred.

"Looks pretty good to me." Darcy replies with a laugh. Jane snickers too.

"Okay, let's play a game." She says. "Who's hotter – Captain America, or Iron Man?"

"Captain America." Loki says, and Darcy goes with the other.

"Alright, my turn. " Darcy slurs, sitting up straighter and looking at the other two with a sly smirk. "Thor or Hawkeye?"

"Thor." Jane and Loki say simultaneously, before looking at each other and laughing.

"Who _isn't _hotter than Thor?" Jane asks. "He's a God."

"Doesn't he have a brother?" Darcy asks. "Loki. You saw him, Jane. Is he hot?"

"I'm pretty sure he's gay." Jane says seriously, and Darcy laughs. Loki glares at her. "He's pretty gorgeous, though. " She adds.

They continue playing the game until Thor comes in and says that it's past midnight, perhaps they should go to bed. So Jane goes into her little camper, and Darcy and Loki pass out together on the couch.

This was so, so much fun to write. And yes, okay, that totally could've happened. Loki is _very _impressive.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Oh, Look. Plot!

Loki wakes up to the smell of eggs cooking, and sees that Darcy's on his chest, still asleep. "Darcy." He whispers, shaking her a bit. "Darcy."

"Oh, Alex." Darcy says groggily, sitting up. "Sorry for sleeping on your boobs."

"It's fine. I think they're making breakfast." Loki replies, and Darcy grabs her glasses from the table, putting them on.

"God, I have a headache." She mutters. "Let's go get some food."

They walk into the kitchen, where Thor and an unfairly peppy Jane are making breakfast. "How the _hell _are you not hung-over?" Darcy asks her friend as she puts a stack of pancakes on a plate.

"I don't know. I slept well. Unlike you two, who slept on that rickety couch."

"Hey, I had a boob pillow. I slept well." Darcy says, taking a big bite. "These things are good!" She says, surprised, looking down at her plate.

Loki takes one and laughs. "I slept okay. Dreamt about wormholes."

"I dreamt about Loki coming back to life and trying to kiss Darcy." Thor says, looking out the window with his trademark confused look. "Twas strange indeed."

Darcy laughs. "That does sound weird. Boring old me dreamt about some weird haunted hotel."

They finish eating breakfast and Loki gets up to leave. "I guess I'll go now. I didn't mean to spend the night."

"Nah, it's fine." Darcy says, and Jane nods.

"Yeah, Alex. You're really cool. You can stay as long as you like." Jane says. Loki smiles genuinely, and then curses himself for it. He does _not _like the harlot that led his brother astray. But it _does _make his heart swell to hear that he has friends. That's something he's never had.

"Well, actually I just moved here and I was planning on going shopping yesterday, before I got sidetracked. Anyone want to come with me?"

"I will!" Darcy says loudly, jumping down from her high chair. "Just let me change."

Loki waits for her to get dressed and they drive out to the mall, which is in the next city over.

"So, where do you want to go first?" Darcy asks, looking around at the huge building.

"I don't know. I need some clothes." Loki says. "Where do you go?"

"Oh, this is gonna be fun." Darcy exclaims before grabbing Loki's hand and dragging him to the Hot Topic. "This place is great for accessories." She explains.

Loki looks around. There are many interesting shirts with confusing mortal symbols and phrases on them. "What is 'the cake is a lie' about?" He asks.

"Oh, it's a video game. Look over here. I think you'd look adorable in this." Darcy says happily, holding up a black dress. Loki grabs it and inspects it. He has to admit, it does look cute. It'd probably look good with his female hair, too.

"I'll try it on." He says excitedly, rushing to the back of the store. The salesperson lets him into the dressing room and he slips it on. He's amazed at how great it looks. His female form, he thinks, is very nice.

Darcy gasps when he steps from the dressing room. "Oh my God Alex, it's gorgeous! You _have _to buy it. Right now. Oh my God." Her hands are doing weird things and her smile takes up half her face. "You go change back and I'll find you some accessories."

Loki does, a spring in his step. When he steps back out, wearing his green Midgardian shirt and blue jeans, Darcy is holding a basketful of accessories. "We're gonna try these all out, okay?" She says, holding up a silvery necklace. Loki smiles.

"Okay."

They pay for their things and go around the mall, checking out different stores and buying Loki an almost complete wardrobe. When they finally get back in the car they're holding almost too many bags to carry, and it's nearly dark outside.

"Uh, Darcy?" Loki says, looking over at the smiling girl.

"Yeah?" She asks.

"Thanks."

"For what?"

"For, uh, being my friend. I've never really had friends." _Damn it, Loki, what are you doing? _He asks himself, but it's too late. A tear has escaped his eye.

"Aww, Alex. It's fine. You're awesome. And today was really fun." Darcy says, playfully punching him in the arm. "Now come on. Jane's probably wondering where we are."

They spend the rest of the car ride talking about different things, like Thor, and Jane, and their shared love of Supernatural. When they get home, it's eight o' clock. "There you guys are!" Jane exclaims, running out to greet them. "You didn't answer your phone! I thought you got into a car accident or something."

"We're fine. We had a great time." Darcy says. Loki nods.

"Yeah, we got a _lot _of clothes." He holds up a few bags for emphasis.

"Holy crap, how did you guys afford all of that?" Jane says, running to the car and looking into the windows, seeing the backseat overflowing with bags. "Darcy, please tell me you didn't steal this stuff."

"No, of course not!" Darcy exclaims, offended. "Alex paid for it all. She's practically rich. She said her father is the king of a European country – that's why she has the British accent."

"My father is too a king, Alex." Thor says jovially. "Except I'm not sure what 'European' means."

"I know." Loki whispers under his breath. "It means it's in Europe." He explains.

"Oh. Like Paris."

"Yeah." Jane says. "Well, I'm glad you guys had a good time."

"Oh my God," Darcy suddenly says, "Alex, you _have _to put on the dress. Come on, show 'em the dress. And put on the accessories too." Loki smiles and goes to the car to find the things. "I'm such an amazing stylist." She says to Jane with an inconspicuous whisper.

"Alright, I'll go put it on." Loki says, holding a huge Hot Topic bag and skittering into the house.

When he comes back out, Thor's jaw drops to the floor. Jane looks at him with a face that says_ damn, I'm gonna have to go and get a dress_, and Darcy jumps up and down with a huge smile, saying "I told you so!" over and over. He.. well, she, looks gorgeous.

The dress goes down to his mid-thigh, flaring out slightly at the bottom. On the top, it's low-cut but with a scoop neck, and the sleeves go all the way down to his elbow. The entire thing is sort-of tight, and made of black lace over black cloth. His hair goes down to just below his shoulders, flipping out at the ends much like his male form's. And, of course, he's shape shifted into a body that is more than pleasing in the physical department.

"You look truly beautiful." Thor says, when he finally gets back into reality. Loki blushes hard. Jane nods.

"Yeah, you do." She says with a slight glare to the gaping Thor.

"Of course she does, I helped her." Darcy says, stepping up to Loki and hugging him. Loki stiffens for a bit, but then hugs her back with a stupid smile.

He changes back to his original outfit and bids his farewell. "I'll be back tomorrow," he promises, and they all agree to go to the zoo.

He's in the car, driving towards the nearest hotel and cursing himself audibly. "What the hell was _that _about, Loki?" He bellows, hitting the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. "You _hugged _a stupid, annoying mortal! Don't forget your mission! I won't forget the mission, Loki! But you have to admit, it's kind of nice to have a friend, isn't it? Not when that friend is one of the sirens that lured away your brother!" Loki suddenly brakes in the middle of the road, causing the car behind him to honk obnoxiously. He shoots a bird out the window and looks back as if daring the driver to come and confront him. They just drive around. Realization has hit Loki - he's fucking crazy.

Meanwhile, Darcy, Jane and Thor are sitting on the couch, watching the Titanic. Thor's never seen it all the way through, and he wanted to watch it. Jack is drawing Rose and Jane starts to blush. "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." She mutters, getting up and heading down the hallway. Darcy pauses it for her.

"If I tell you something, Thor, do you promise not to tell anyone?" She whispers into the warrior's ear. He turns his head to look at her, confused.

"Sure, friend. What is it?" He asks. Darcy rubs her arm nervously.

"I.. I think I have a crush on Alex." She says before turning her red face.

"I'm afraid that I'm unaware of what a crush is." Thor says quietly. Darcy mentally slaps herself in the face. _Of course _he doesn't know.

"I like her. I like her like you like Jane."

"Oh." Thor says, eyes widening. "You want to kiss her."

"Well, yeah. Wouldn't you?" Darcy asks, blue eyes pleading. Thor nods.

"She is quite beautiful. And I finally remembered who she reminds me of."

"Who?"

"My brother, Loki. She acts much like him, when he's not attempting to take over the world." Thor says. He looks down at the floor sadly. "I miss Loki."

"What was he like?" Darcy asks, looking up into his misty blue eyes.

"He was.. he was a firework. So smart. In his second year of proper schooling he was correcting our professors. There was never a problem that he faced that he hadn't already thought of and solved. And he was so beautiful. He moved like the wind flowing through the trees. He was slender, but that didn't matter, because he could fight as well as the largest warrior. And his eyes glowed when he did his magic like nothing I've seen before or since. He had this unlimited passion and this love for other people, and then, well.. when he found out about his true heritage, it just, disappeared." Thor stops with a sad sigh.

"He sounds like he was a good brother, Thor. I'm sorry." Darcy whispers, voice small. She's on the verge of crying. "I didn't know you were so good with words."

Jane walks back in. She sits back down and looks at her two friends, who are now crying softly together. "Darcy, you didn't tell him the end again, did you?" She asks, irritated.

"No," Darcy says before sniffling, "he was telling me about Loki."

"Oh, Loki. I slapped him." Jane says. "Thor, why are you crying?"

"I just miss him so much!" Thor bellows. "I'm sorry." He says, wiping his eye with a huge, muscly arm. "A warrior doesn't cry like that."

"Loki wasn't that great though, Thor. He cut your hand off." Jane says, trying and failing to cheer him up.

"He died with honor, saving his brother's life. If that isn't great, I don't know what is."

"Let's, let's just watch the movie." Darcy whimpers, pressing play. They all eventually settle back down, and at the end they cry together, locked in each other's arms.

This was fun to write, too. I hope it was fun to read. And, yes, okay? I ship Thorki so, so hard, but I also ship Lady Loki and Darcy. Gay ships are yay ships.


End file.
